Inside My Heart
by Maiden-of-Life
Summary: I thought that I had gotten over him, of course I would always love him...but still. I didn't expect everything to come rushing back so suddenly when I saw that perfect face... SORETTE


Inside My Heart

"I'm gonna go home with Kairi, okay?"

I stared at him blankly, my mouth slightly open. Kairi shot a concerned look my way. She placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Olette? Were leaving…..alright?"

I looked up at my best friend in the world, then back to the boy. The boy I loved, who loved my best friend.

"Sure," I said quietly. "I'll call you sometime."

They both smiled, knowing I wouldn't, and turned away. As they were walking out, I saw Kairi reach for his hand. Then they were gone.

I had known this would happen. There was no point in even setting up this dinner. I knew. I knew it would turn out like this.

Do I enjoy torturing myself?

Everything was so easy when we were younger, the three of us, never apart. But things change. I changed. I began to have feelings for the boy with the brown, spiky hair. They were so strong, that it hurt.

Then I found out Kairi loved him to. She confessed her feelings, and he felt the same. There was nothing I could do, or say.

The boy I loved was in love with my best friend.

Sure, we all stayed friends. For a while. Then the pain became to much. The way he would smile at her, the way she looked into his eyes. It was like my heart was being ripped to shreds, and there was nothing I could do about it.

Over time, I began to avoid them. I ignored their calls, their letters. I couldn't bear to see them together anymore. Little by little, we drifted apart.

Spontaneously, I decided to call Kairi, and invite her and Sora to dinner. Why, I don't know. Maybe I wanted to see if I still felt the same way.

I knew I did, the moment he walked in. He hadn't changed much in the month's I hadn't seen him. His brown hair was still all over the place, and his smile held as much warmth as it always had. When I looked in to his eyes, it was as if the world dropped from beneath me, and I was floating. Floating with him, until Kairi gave me a friendly hug, and I was snapped back into reality.

They were together; we were no longer a trio. There was a pair, and then me, who didn't belong. That's how it felt.

Call me a coward, call me stupid, even a wimp, but you can't understand me unless you love someone so much, that it hurts even to breathe.

And it did, hurt to breathe.

"They are the perfect couple." Everyone would say. "I always knew they would be together." They would whisper.

I was numb, so numb.

Gone were the days of seeing his easy smile, gone were the times when it was just the two of us, laughing and joking, without a care in the world.

Now, they are memories. My memories. He'll make new ones. I know he will. With Kairi.

That's the way it was always meant to be.

Right?

I pay my bill and walk out of the restaurant. The air is cold as I slip on my coat. But what good will it do? I can't feel my body anyway.

I walk aimlessly down the streets. Thinking of the boy I loved, who I would always love. And my best friend, who, in turn, would always love him.

_xxx_

"_Hey?" What're you doing up there?" Olette yelled._

_He stuck his head out, "I can't tell you," he said in a disgusted tone. "Girls aren't allowed up here._

_Olette huffed. "Like I would wanna hang out with a spiky headed pea-brain like you!" she stuck out her tongue and stomped away._

_Later, when she couldn't take it anymore, she stomped back over to her neighbor's tree house, and climbed the long rope ladder._

_When she had finally made it all the way up, she saw the boy, and smiled._

_He stood up from his bean-bag chair._

"_Hey!" he said in a mad tone. "I told you girls weren't allowed up here!" _

_Olette smiled, and wiped her pants for dust. "I'm not just any girl." She replied, and flashed him a toothy smile._

_He scowled for a minute, and then seemed to study her. _

"_You know," he said looking to the side. "I gotta hand it to ya, you have guts for coming up that rope ladder. No girl I know would' a ever tried that."_

_Olette smiled again and stuck out a hand. "Nice to meetcha. Im Olette, I just moved in next door." _

_The boy looked at the hand, then, making up his mind, took it in his and said,_

"_Hi, Im Sora." Then they both smiled._

_xxx_

Olette smiled as she recalled their first meeting. They had been seven at the time, and he was the first friend she made in the new town. It was just the two of them for a year, until Kairi moved in next to Olette.

Then two became three.

And, over time, brown was replaced with red.

I sometimes wonder how things would have turned out if Kairi had never moved in, but I usually force those thoughts away. As much as I loved, and still love Sora, I love my best friend to, and wouldn't trade our time together for anything.

So where does that lead me?

Here, in front of a vacant house. The one he used to live in when we were kids.

I stared at it, feeling memories wash over me like cold water. So much time spent inside that house, so many beautiful memories.

I slowly walk up the gravel path to the door. I turn the knob slightly, and it surprisingly opens.

I step inside, and, with a quick glance over my shoulder, I shut the door. The house is dark and empty. Exactly how I feel.

The moonlight casts shadows over the open spaces. I walk around slowly, seeing the house exactly as it used to be.

Finally, I arrive at his room. I stand in the exact spot where his bed used to be.

_xxx_

_Olette laid down on the bed and sighed loudly. She turned over and looked at eight year-old Sora with a grin._

"_You are such a wuss." She teased. _

_He scowled at her, and then plopped down next to her. _

"_It's not my fault you cheat at basketball." He said simply. _

_Olette sat upright. "Ha!" she exclaimed. "Me cheat? Puh-lease. You're just sore because you got beaten fair and square by a girl!" _

_He scowled again. Olette laughed and playfully punched him. Soon, they were wresting playfully on the bed._

_And then,… something happened._

_Sora was suddenly on top of her. And they stopped. _

_Sora looked into Olette's eyes. "I don't think I'll ever meet another girl like you." He whispered._

_Olette's breath stopped. _

_Even though she was only eight years old, she knew they weren't playing any longer. _

_They were both snapped out of it as Sora's mother called up to them._

"_Sora! Olette! Come meet your new neighbor!"_

_xxx_

The three of us instantly became friends. And everything was good, for a while.

I felt the memory all around me. I felt as if I were in a dream.

Suddenly, the familiar ring of my cell phone snapped me out of it. I flipped it open.

"Hello?" I said quietly.

Kairi's bubbly voice filled the line. "Olette! You wont believe what just happened!" I said nothing, so she continued. "Sora just proposed to me!"

My world fell apart at that moment.

I dropped the phone. It fell, as if in slow motion, and broke into tiny little pieces.

Suddenly, everything hurt. I fell to my knees, and in the spot where his bed used to be, I cried like I had never cried in my life.

I cried until my body shook with convulsions, until I was coughing in pain. I screamed and I wailed, and yelled out his name. I coughed, and clutched at my waist. I then bent over and threw up.

All night, I stayed there. Somehow, it felt safe. Here, in this old house, with my memories.

For the first time in a long time, I had a dreamless night of sleep. No flashes of his face, no dreams of us together. Just, nothing.

In the morning, I woke up to the disgusting smell of puke. I walked down to the convenience store, brought back towels, and cleaned up my mess.

After that, I sat there for a few more hours, reliving everything one last time. Finally, I knew what I had to do. I said goodbye to the house and found the nearest payphone. I dropped in some change and called their number, praying the answering machine would come on. Thankfully, it did.

"You've reached Sora and Kairi," Kairi's voice said happily. "We are not available right now; please leave a message after the beep!" I steadied my voice and took a deep breath.

beep

"……Hi…guys. It's me. Olette. Sorry about last night, I wasn't feeling to well. Um, I'm also sorry about the call Kairi, I accidentally dropped my phone, and it broke. Heh, heh, clumsy me."

My laugh sounded fake, even to my own ears, but I continued anyway.

"So, congratulations guys!" I hope the wedding goes great….I say that, because….I won't be around. I'm leaving town. I need something new, and I think its better this way."

I tried to manage another small laugh, but it came out choked.

"I want you both to know; that you mean so much to me…..more than you'll ever know."

My voice began to crack.

"I will never forget either of you, for as long as I live, and I'll always cherish the time we spent together."

I was sobbing by now.

"Kairi, you're my best friend and I love you, I never meant for this to happen, but it did, and I can't change that."

I knew I had to say it, then, or never.

"Sora, you're also my best friend, and I love you. I love you more than you'll ever know."

I was fully crying now.

"I love you, so much,…it hurts. Goodbye…"

I hung up, and ran, tears streaming down my face. I ran all the way to the restaurant.

I stood by my car, and held myself tightly, afraid that if I let go, I would break.

After a while, I calmed down enough to get in my car, and start driving.

I didn't bother going back to my apartment; there was nothing of importance there. When I reached the border of town, I pulled my car over, and stepped out.

The breeze felt nice, and it calmed me slightly. I looked in my wallet and took out three pictures.

One, of the three of us eating popsicles as kids, one from high school with me and Kairi smiling, and then, a snapshot of him.

The wind blew my hair around as I stared at the boy I loved with all my heart. I could feel more tears coming, and I let them fall. I held his picture to my heart, and whispered his name.

After a few moments, I got back into my car, and drove away. I didn't know where I was going. To find a new purpose in life, to move on?

I wasn't sure. I just needed to go.

So, I drove away. Away from my hometown, away from all I knew, away from my best friend, and away from him, the boy I would always love with all of my heart.

The End

Well, I think that turned out okay! I really like SORETTE lately, and the emotionally-driven possibilities it holds!!! Anyway, hope ya enjoyed it!!


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